KONKONSA IS BACK AND DEEPER.
It is always a pleasure and happy moments when I see handsome and elegant young ones troop to my kingdom in search of knowledge. Do you know why I become happy? It is because I will get my voluminous mouth busy with both clean and dirty gossip. As I mark my last moments on the throne as the overlord of the Kingdom of NUST, I vow to make use of my professorial laurels in konkonsa as never before. For those of you who are new to me and my underground dealings, let me introduce myself. Is it even worth it to do that? Anyway, I am NANA ANOKESE ANOPEASEM, overload of the land that you trample on, watcher of your dark deeds and backlasher of your irresponsible acts. Above all, I am the father of all gossip, an expert in lips flapping gossip. Just have a second look at my name and you would know me better.
I take this opportunity to welcome all freshmen and fresh women to the Kwame Nkrumah University of Serious Trouble. Hmmmmn! I don’t even know why I referred to you as fresh men and women. Some of you are dried up more than the back of Baba Fuseini (oldest crocodile at Paga). Anyway, I hope you enjoy your stay on this land of our death and reincarnation. As the royal custodian of the land, I have some few words of advice for you. I know some of you have thrown away the ones your parents forced into that thing you call your head. I hope you will not throw away what I will give you.
My lovely daughters in AFRICA HALL, it’s nice to be in the only female twin towers on campus, but please your porters are also thinking human beings. The shout of your predecessors have made them partially deaf. Please I beg you, do not worsen their plight by perpetuating the scream slogan “PORTER, PLEASE PUMP THE WATER”. They know that already.
Those of you in Queens hall or whatever you call it, please I beg you to be content with your lot. Stop trooping to other halls. I don’t want to remind people of those sad moments but let the two beautiful “gobe” sellers be enough for you. Tell your leaders that building more accommodation units is more important than using money to build a lawn tennis court where four and half people including some semi-mad white man will go and throw tennis balls. Royals, do not also forget that your television always gets spoilt as a result of attack from mad people. Tell your president to paste a notice banning mad people from using your TV room. Also do not forget to close all computers, all laptops and switch off all electrical appliances before doing what mum and dad do at night. There might be a camera hidden inside the microwave. Ask your forefathers to tell you the legendary Botuo fairy tale.
My lovely kids in the hall that claims to be independent, welcome to the premier hall. You are lucky because all the prayers emanating from Paa Joe seems to pass through your hall. However try and convince your leaders to go in for sponsorship from GHACEM instead of TIGO. Your buildings do not have enough cement in them. I do not want to shed my little royal tears again. I am reserving them for my death, so that I can cry for those who will come and shed hippopotamus tears there.
Oh my lovely REPUBLIC hall, how thou welcometh all my children. Mongols, human beings are supposed to learn from humans, not inanimate objects. Never copy the habit of those shameless sculptures in your hall. They have exposed their nudity for years now. Kindly shun their company. At least, put on something. For that reason, I have ordered that panties be included in the souvenirs that will be provided to you. At least your leaders heeded my caution and have stopped cultivating the REFUSE DUMP farm. It was a joint project they had with THE DOMITES. Please those executives who keep entering the female rooms almost every micro-second, the ladies are complaining of nightmares. Please I don’t want to go far, so stop work with immediate effect. Even chicken is being spared nowadays during Christmas.
Continentals, you are lucky to be in the largest hall in the whole of West Africa. I don’t even know if that is true. Anyway, take very good care of yourself and be united as the name of your hall says. I don’t even know why the hall was named after the continental unity of Africa. The continent itself has never been united. Hope it is not already having its effect on you. However, you must form search parties to go and look for your missing goddess. Wonders will never end. I thought those things happen only in Nigerian movies, where people steal a whole god and it doesn’t even resist. Now I know it can truly happen on the land of Thrillers and Surprises.
To those of you in the black and yellow hall, I don’t even know why you love black so much, is it because of evil or you are just proud of your colour? I paid a royal visit to your bathhouses and I thought I was dreaming. It’s really nice. I hope it will not turn out to be the story of APONKYE and CAKE. Eeeih, what will you celebrate this year after that controversial HALL FESTIVAL. Is it not so strange? When everyone is celebrating hall week, only you want to celebrate what? FESTIVAL? Please the SOS was too terrifying last year. I beg you with my royal sandals to stop. You are lucky enough to have lots of bush around you, can’t you transfer some there? Greet your president for me. Eeih as for that man and his English, hmmmn!! Did he school in Afghanistan?
Once again I welcome all of you to my kingdom. Though I was born at a time when we stroke stones against each other to get light, I am very much IT inclined more than most of you. I will prove that to you very soon. I leave you with one of my father’s popular sayings “In a zongo community, no one wins a fight once”. Think about this and apply it to your life on campus.
YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS
NANA PROF. ANOKESE ANOPEASEM
PhD GOSSIPIOLOGY
MSc ROYAL DISSING.
You can read THE GOSSIP online through the following medium –
www.konkonsa-thegossip.blogspot.com.
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You can also email me through courageislove@gamil.com.
